


guanlin's salad

by jaesglasses



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 0/10 Would Not Recommend, BACK AT IT AGAIN, Crack, First Dates, M/M, be healthy, chat fic, drink milk instead, ft. 2park, full of pick up lines, guanho is the SHIP boi, guanlin so done, lame attempt to be funny, thanks guanlinear, this is what coffee does to the human soul, u a real bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaesglasses/pseuds/jaesglasses
Summary: 2park flirts literally everywhere and guanlin loses his shit: a short gc fic feat. old exo memes bcos why not





	1. #saveguanlin2018

 

**daevid, baeyoungss, weewoojin, jihoon, juanlin (5)**

 

 **weewoojin:** hey jihoon do u know any good bakery around

 

 **jihoon:** no ?? im new to busan

 

 **weewoojin:** bcos i'd love to have a cutie pie like u  <3

 

 **baeyoungss:** snatched. deceased.

 

 **daevid:** my fucking wig fell off

 

 **jihoon:** *existential crisis going on*

 

**weewoojin:**

 

 **juanlin:** this is a group chat

 

 **juanlin:** pls stop

 

☆☆☆

 

 **jihoon:** hey who knows what the homework in economics is

 

 **weewoojin:** i do

 

 **jihoon:** AVSISVDNSVSJSV

 

 **jihoon:** i might as well call you **_google_** since u hav everything im looking for  <3

 

 **juanlin:** u don't even hav classes together ???

 

 **juanlin:** how

 

 **daevid:** the power of love hun

 

 **daevid:** when ur older u wud understand

 

☆☆☆

 

 **juanlin:** and for once we have silence

 

 **juanlin:** thank god

 

 **daevid:** guanlin !!

 

 **daevid:** hav respect

 

 **daevid:** its quiet cuz theyre fighting

 

 **baeyoungss:** srsly guys stop the lovers quarrel

 

 **weewoojin:** i just cant take it anymore

 

 **jihoon:**  

 

 **juanlin:** why, hyung?

 

 **weewoojin:** i just

 

 **weewoojin:** i love my breath but jihoon keeps taking it away from me when he walks past

 

**juanlin:**

 

**baeyoungss:**

 

 **daevid:**  

 

 **juanlin:** thats it im leaving for good

 

 **jihoon:** rip

 

☆☆☆

 

 **baeyoungss:** guess whos goin on a d8 tom

 

 **daevid:** not u hopefully

 

 **daevid:** imma whip that flat ass if u dare cheat

 

 **baeyoungss:**  

 

 **jihoon:** did i just witness satan

 

 **baeyoungss:** wheres my intellectual lover

 

 **daevid:** oh did i scare you sweetie i'm sorry i'm just joking ;)

 

 **daevid:** or am i

 

 **baeyoungss:** its guanlin jfc

 

 **baeyoungss:** i found a date for him!!

 

 **juanlin:** omfg hyung i cant believe u wud t h i n k

 

 **juanlin:** that im so easy i wud go on blind dates u arranged

 

 **juanlin:** emphasis on " **u arranged"**

 

 **juanlin:** bcos i dont trust u

 

 **daevid:** guanlin pls

 

 **daevid:** watch ur language

 

 **weewoojin:** id think itll be good for u kid

 

 **jihoon:** i second that

 

 **woojin:** oh pls u always agree on everything i say

 

 **jihoon:** i ??? do not !!

 

 **jihoon:**  

 

 **weewoojin:** i like sleeping 

 

 **jihoon:** i like sleeping too

 

 **jihoon:** we should do it together sometime  <3

 

 **weewoojin:** i rest my case

 

 **jihoon:** fucking hell

 

 **juanlin:** can u not flirt

 

 **juanlin:** right in front of my fucking salad ??!?

 

 **baeyoungss:** what salad ??

 

 **baeyoungss:** whose having salad ??

 

 **daevid:** honey dear u can stop now

 

 **juanlin:** gdi

 

 **juanlin:** k fine im going on that date

 

 **baeyoungss:** sweet

 

 **weewoojin:** good job jinyoung !

 

 **baeyoungss:** uhm

 

 **baeyoungss:** i hav a boyfriend

 

**jihoon:**

 

 

* * *

 

**jinjinnie, sonhoe (2)**

 

 **jinjinnie:** HELLO THERE

 

 **sonhoe:** go away

 

 **jinjinnie:** oh wow what a way to greet ur friend

 

 **jinjinnie:** d i s g u s t i n g

 

 **sonhoe:** get over it

 

 **sonhoe:** what do u want

 

 **jinjinnie:** FOR YOU TO DATE MY AMAZING FRIEND GUANLIN

 

 **sonhoe:** nugu ?

 

 **jinjinnie:** GUANLIN. LAI GUANLIN. SUNSHINE BOY. MAKNAE. TOP BASKETBALL PLAYER. S-SWAGGY RAPPER.

 

 **sonhoe:** why are u typing in caps

 

 **jinjinnie:** TO SHOW U HOW MUCH I WANT U TO BE TOGETHER

 

  **sonhoe:** sorry i dont date nerds

 

 **jinjinnie:**  

 

 

  **jinjinnie:** u were saying ?

 

 **sonhoe:** hot damn

 

 **sonhoe:** hit me the fuck up

 


	2. the happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of "the happening" a.k.a guanlin's blind date with seonho

 

**juanlin, daevid, baeyoungss, weewoojin, jihoon (5)**

 

 **juanlin:**  call the C O P S

 

 **weewoojin:** r u on drugs again

 

 **juanlin:** excuse me ?

 

 **baeyoungss:** why do u need cops ???

 

 **juanlin:** i need help

 

 **daevid:** omg my sweet child what did u do

 

 **jihoon:** the moment u talked to me, i knew that there was something wrong with you

 

 **juanlin:** guys why

 

 **juanlin:** and jihoon, what in the world ???

 

 **juanlin:** u talked to me first rmbr ???

 

 **jihoon:** im telling on you if worst comes to worst

 

 **juanlin:** jfc

 

 **weewoojin:** jihoon's real self is finally revealed

 

 **baeyoungss:** tbh im a bit scared now

 

 **jihoon:** id betray all of u in the hunger games

 

 **daevid:**  

 

 **juanlin:** why wud i call the cops if i DID something wrong

 

 **jihoon:** hmmm

 

 **jihoon:** point taken and understood, go on

 

 **jihoon:** :)

 

 **baeyoungss:** fake ass bitch

 

 **weewoojin:** so what help do u need?

 

 **juanlin:** ugh 

 

 **juanlin:** remember the blind date i have tonight

 

 **weewoojin:** OH YEA

 

 **juanlin:** i need help with clothes

 

 **juanlin:** im not sure if i look good 

 

 **daevid:** send a pic !

 

**juanlin:**

 

 **jihoon:** hmmm

 

 **weewoojin:** idk man, u look a bit like a nerd in those clothes

 

 **juanlin:** they're YOUR clothes tho ??

 

 **weewoojin:** yea well i'm a nerd

 

 **jihoon:**  

 

 **daevid:** oh don't mind them, u look great !

 

 **juanlin:** really?

 

 **daevid:** of course, u always look good sweetie

 

 **juanlin:** omg hyung i love you

 

 **baeyoungss:** excuse me daehwi ah u have a boyfriend

 

 **baeyoungss:** M E

 

 **baeyoungss:** anyway he's right guanlin

 

 **juanlin:** alright t

 

 **jihoon:** _uh huh_

 

 **weewoojin:** _work ur body_

 

 **jihoon:** _let's dance_

 

 **daevid:** staHP

 

 **juanlin:** i'm heading out now !

 

 **baeyoungss:** goodluck bro !

 

* * *

 

 **seonhoe, jinjinnie** (2)

 

**seonhoe:**

 

 **jinjinnie:** tHE FCK

 

 **seonhoe:** i am freaking out

 

 **seonhoe:** what if he doesn't like my face

 

 **seonhoe:** i won't have anything else to show him

 

 **seonhoe:** my only selling thing is my face

 

 **jinjinnie:** lmao dont worry he'll like you

 

 **seonhoe:** did u give him a pic of me ?

 

 **jinjinnie:** no

 

 **seonhoe:** tell him im ugly as hell 

 

 **jinjinnie:** W H Y

 

 **seonhoe:** so when he sees me he'll be surprised how normal i look

 

 **jinjinnie:** wheres my confident as hell friend

 

 **jinjinnie:** what did u do to him ?!

 

 **seonhoe:**  

 

 **seonhoe:** he dead

 

 **jinjinnie:** jfc stop being overdramatic

 

 **seonhoe:** ugh i cant help it

 

 **seonhoe:** i saw his ig and he looked so handsome

 

 **seonhoe:**  

 

 **seonhoe:** bitch i can't compare ??

 

 **seonhoe:** 10/10 wud stan

 

 **jinjinnie:** oh i remember taking that pic of him

 

 **jinjinnie:** he fell face first on the floor after that shot

 

 **seonhoe:** stop badmouthing my baby !

 

 **jinjinnie:** u havent met yet ?

 

 **jinjinnie:** and he's older than u

 

 **seonhoe:** whatever where's he

 

 **jinjinnie:** he said he's heading out a while ago

 

 **jinjinnie:** wait ur in the cafe already ?

 

 **jinjinnie:** the thirst is real

 

 **seonhoe:** who liked all of daehwi's social media posts again even before they met ?

 

 **seonhoe:** oh its u

 

 **seonhoe:** who's a thirsty hoe now

 

 **jinjinnie:** i regret telling u about my boi guanlin, hes too precious u might stain him

 

 **jinjinnie:** ur from hell

 

 **seonhoe:** "ur cute as hell"

 

 **seonhoe:** fixed that for u :)

 

 **seonhoe:** AOSVSFWKSVSISFSJSHSS

 

 **jinjinnie:** whats wrong hoe

 

 **seonhoe:** hes here sosnshsgs omgg

 

 **jinjinnie:** lmao enjoy

 

* * *

 

**juanlin, daevid, baeyoungss, weewoojin, jihoon (5)**

 

 **weewoojin:** its late wheres guanlin

 

 **weewoojin:** G U A N L I N

 

 **weewoojin:** LAI GUANLIN

 

**jihoon:**

 

 **jihoon:** calm tf down babe

 

 **weewoojin:** i'm just curious :(

 

 **jihoon:** just wait 

 

 **daevid:** he texted me a while ago saying he got home already

 

 **jihoon:** GUANLIN YOU TALL ASS WALNUT WHY R U NOT ANSWERING WHEN UR HYUNG A.K.A THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WOOJINNIE IS CALLING YOU HUH

 

 **baeyoungss:** calm tf down pt. 2

 

 **juanlin:** i'm here !!

 

 **weewoojin:** hey how was your date

 

 **juanlin:** it was amazing !!!!

 

 **juanlin:** like literally

 

 **juanlin:** the best date ever ♡♡♡

 

 **jihoon:** isn't it ur real first date with someone

 

 **jihoon:** how is it the best one if u don't have anything to compare it to

 

 **weewoojin:** ur the first man i've been in a relationship with but i already know ur the one i want to be with for the rest of my life jihoon

 

**jihoon:**

 

**daevid:**

 

**baeyoungss:**

 

**juanlin:**

 

 **jihoon:** i'm suing u for stealing my heart

 

**juanlin:**

 

 **juanlin:** this is abt me

 

 **weewoojin:** oh yea, go on

 

 **juanlin:** so anyway

 

 **juanlin:** i rlly enjoyed his company

 

 **juanlin:** we actually like the same things !

 

 **juanlin:** and he also loves food !

 

 **juanlin:** he's like the death and despair to my shingeki no kyojin

 

 **baeyoungs:** i dont watch anime

 

 **juanlin:** i think i'm inlove

 

 **juanlin:** help

 

 **daevid:** my bb is finally an adult now

 

 **daevid:** actually feeling compassion for another human being

 

 **baeyoungss:** i knew u wud click with him

 

 **juanlin:** he's so perfect

 

 **juanlin:** look at this perfection

 

**juanlin:**

 

 **jihoon:** my god did u secretly take a photo of him during ur date

 

**juanlin:**

 

 **juanlin:** it was for SCIENCE

 

 **daevid:** tbh i don't know what to say

 

 **daevid:** but i'm happy for you !!!

 

 **juanlin:** oh thanks !!

 

 **weewoojin:** we all are :)

 

* * *

 

 **guanlin, seonho** (2)

 

 **guanlin:** i had a great time tonight!

 

 **seonho:** me too !

 

 **seonho:** i have a question tho

 

 **guanlin:** what is it?

 

 **seonho:** do u have raisins?

 

 **guanlin:** uhm

 

 **guanlin:** no?

 

 **seonho:** well then how about a date?

 

**guanlin:**

 

 **guanlin:** thank god i like you

 

 **guanlin:** its a YES

 

**seonho:**

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> idek what im doing with my life anymore this isnt even funny loooo0yol kudos and comments are rlly appreciated! ♡


End file.
